Shame has no place in abortion debate

Five years ago in December, I lost a child. I had a miscarriage or in other terms my body spontaneously aborted the fetus.

I'm going to be honest. It did not devastate me. Yes, the child would have been absolutely wanted and loved, but the fact that I never met the child does not eat at me. Maybe it's because I didn't know I was pregnant until I was losing the baby. Maybe it's because the doctor told me I was bleeding internally and could die without the emergency surgery they would be performing shortly. Maybe it's because if that baby was here I wouldn't have my beautiful daughters Zahara and Zira.

Regardless of the reason, if I found out I had an ectopic pregnancy earlier I wouldn't have hesitated to take the shot to chemically end the pregnancy rather than losing one of my fallopian tubes. And if so, I would have been one of the 1 in 5 women that have had an abortion - which is why I refuse to call women murderers and shame those who have made the difficult choice.

I would love to live in a world without abortion, but before that happens, we need to work on creating a world where it's not needed. A world where women have extensive healthcare, options and support. We need to have tools to prevent unwanted pregnancies like comprehensive sex education, birth control, an overhauled foster care system and low-cost adoption.

So, before you condemn every woman who ever had an abortion, think about the women in your life. Approximately 20% of women have had an abortion. It may be your child's teacher, your cousin, your friend from church, your best friend. Your words and actions are telling them that they should be ashamed and judged. I'm blessed to know several women who have made the difficult choice and none of them did it easily.

Maria Motley-Arnold is your average WOC wife & mom of three beautiful girls. She currently lives in the suburbs of Chicago but will forever consider herself a Southerner. When she's not at work or chasing children she can be found curled up with a good book or having passionate discussions about social justice.

So let's show grace and compassion to one another. And always lead with love.

Maria Motley-Arnold is your average WOC wife & mom of 3 beautiful girls. She currently lives in the suburbs of Chicago but will forever consider herself a Southerner. When she's not at work or chasing children she can be found curled up with a good book or having passionate discussions about social justice.